Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
opera is on the radio
and I am thinking about
what is to be done next.
the older we get the more disconnect we feel is some regards
and the more connect we feel in others.
and i guess i need to remember to be in the moment.
love what is happening now.
NEW ART ZINE!!!
I made a zine out of the latest journal I finished. It is art heavy. Super interesting. limited edition of 19. All of them are signed and numbered.
This is the etsy listing
If you don't want to buy it via etsy. Send me 7 bucks via paypal to ladypajama(at)gmail.com.
Or send me 6 dollars concealed cash to
po box 9354
missoula, mt 59807
I am not doing trades on this one. because it is limited edition. But I always do trades with the back issues of my zine BLAH BlaH Blah.
Thanks for looking!!!!
love you all,
happy jesus was a zombie day!!
Right now I am volunteering at ZACC. Basically there is a little shop here full of cute art and stuff. i have my stuff in it. It really doesn't get much traffic. But they like to have someone sitting here to direct people in certain directions. And every once in awhile some one might buy something. So they need someone to take the money and log in the sale. It is a good time for me to work on my projects and see the people that have studios around here. It feels good to be a part of an artist community. I am actually quite productive while I am here. Not as many distractions as at my own house. And it is only three hours which is totally do-able.
NEW! YEY! EXCITEMENT!
I just finished taking two months off. and now I am ready to go crazy making zines again. This my most recent issue of Blah Blah Blah. It was a biweekly, but now I have moved to a monthly.
I am charging 6 dollars for 6 months or 12 dollars for 12 months. Basically a dollar an issue. I have it up on etsy. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?re
But I will also take well concealed or stamps sent to:
po box 9354
missoula, mt 59807
Also please, check out my etsy store. I have tons of zines and cheap art posted there.
what it comes down to is that I have to go to work.
I went to work yesterday and the day before. And now today I am tired and i don't want to go to work, but i have to. And I have to go to work tomorrow and the next day as well. Then I have a day off. On that day I plan on sleeping. And then the day after that I will go back to work and the day after that and the day after that.
And I dont' want to work at all. But the game of life requires that I make money so that I can spend money so that I can live this comfortable rich life.
Today I worked.
I got to work and realized i had forgotten my work shirt, so I had to turn around and go back home to get it. It was a lovely 45 minutes total of listening to All Things Considered. And was consequently 30 minutes late for work.
Some where during my shift I came down with a strange urge to go shopping at Target. So when I got off work I went to Target and dove into their sale racks. I am wearing a very happy warm black hoodie right now. i also got myself a very large bright blue bag. There is something about it that is way to large and garish. But I love it. I think I will move all my stuff from my bag to my new bag right now. Yay!!
I love helping the economic crisis by shopping. Although part of me shreeks out in how horrible consumerism is. Oh well, we all got to have stuff. And sometimes it is fun to get it new.
I thought I would share these freewrites I wrote today. The was we do it is that someone offers a prompt and then we write for 10 minutes nonstop. These are mine. Mind you I have not edited them or anything. So if they seem a bit rough that is why.
The last buffalo was walking down the road. Confused he looked for the grass and could not find any. He smelled at the air and gave out a loud hurufff. The sound animals make after smelling the air. And i am not sure if it was a sign of discontent or confusion. He stepped off the cement onto the grass. Wow there is the grass, he thought. He smelled it. Maybe he wanted to take a bite of it. But he didn't. he walked on slowly down into a ditch. The kind of ditch that runs along side of a highway. The kind of ditch that cars fall off the road into. The kind of ditch that little kids find dead bodies in.
The last buffalo walked down into the ditch and as he brought in the coolness of the damp dirt and foilage he thought about other buffalo, He wondered were they all were. Where had they gone? Where would he go next?
Then he thought about the white buffalo. The white buffalo was a buffalo in a story he once heard and he wondered if the white buffalo ever felt like he feels right now. The last buffalo feels very alone right now, but he didn't even realize that is how he felt until he wondered if the white buffalo felt like he feels, which is alone. He thought that that was weird that he could feel a certain way without knowing it.
I guess that is part of the subconcience. It knows all these things that we don't really know conscientiously.
The buffalo found some trash on the hillside that is between the road and the ditch. I don't know if hillside is the right word. Incline. Incline between road and ditch. There is lots of trash in this area. The reds and green of old soda bottles. The light catching the side of a crushed beer can just right so it gleams and shines right into the last buffalo's eyes. Strangely among the trash there was a little baby doll in a green knit dress laying much like a dead person would lay. face down. arms at ungodly angles. legs that would be broken if they were not made of fabric and stuffing. and the buffalo liked the doll. He nosed it and sneezed. He might be getting a cold. He sure hoped not.
like a flower that desires only to bloom. the child ate as much sugar as she possibly could. In her six year old head she strongly believed that sugar was her what do you call that stuff that plants need to grow fertilization. Sugar was her fertilizer. She believed it was what turned her into a flower. She felt like a flower after eating an entire box of runts and drinking an entire gallon of koolaid. Her mom did not agree with the girls beliefs and would punish her if she found her consuming such large quanities of sugar so the girl had to sneak it. luckily for her her mom worked fulltime and left her alone for long portions of the day. She would take the food that her mother prepared for her to eat and would walk down the street and feed it to the dog that was left and lonely in the yard. She would then go to the store and find all the sugar she wanted. Sometimes she had money, sometimes she didn't. These times she would place small candies in her small pockets. And run from the store hoping that they wouldn't see the small bulges of stolen goods.
When she got home, she had built a secret fort in her room. It was made out of clothes baskets and sheets. She would crawl inside of it and take her candy from her pocket and stroke it and admire it and then she would devour it much like a wild animal will tear into its prey. Afterwords she would feel the sugar coarse through her veins. She would feel the flower that is her blooming. She would feel like the greatest thing in the world. And then she would run around the house giggling and screaming to the gods. ONly wishing she wasn't so alone. Some one to eat the candy with would be nice. She would end up in weird places in the house. Sometimes on the floor of the bathroom sometimes behind the couch sometimes ubder the kitchen table and she would curl up in a little ball sometimes with a stuffed animal or a sweater of her moms and she would talk to the friends she wished she had until she fell into a fitfull sleep.
Her Mother would return from work and find her child in these strange places and sigh and pick the girl up and place her in her bed. Sometimes she would crawl in next to her for awhile and wish she didn't have to work so that she would know how her child ended up in these places.
There were these people in my apartment. It was wierd. They had clipboards and perky attitudes. They were assessing the building. And all I could see was how filthy everything is. I live in filth.
I feel insane.
If livejournal died I would cry.
I have been deeply dissatisfied by the internet lately.
I tried joining Facebook, but is only a bit better than myspace.
I miss when everyone posted all the time on Livejournal. that was when the internet was fun.
Of course I have pretty much quit posting on here to, so i guess I am to blame as well.
I don't normally make new years resolutions. But I think I am going to try to write in here more.
oh. and it is snowing here now.
My brain is slow today. What happened last night? It was a blur: drinking mostly.
And now the snow is melting and I have a strange not real headache. I made the coffee too strong.
And I don't really know what to do next with everyone else in the apt sleeping.....
look i posted on lj.
MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!!!!
I just want everyone to know that dad had surgery on Monday. They removed his prostrate. As far as they can tell the cancer did not spread.
This is all very good.
If you saw me in the back of a police car, what would you think I was there for?
Answer me, then post this in your own journal (or, you know, don't) to see how many different crimes you get accused of committing.
I was meaning to post this sooner, but I have been avoiding reality.
shutting myself off in order to put off dealing with things.
So dad has prostate cancer, they have no idea how bad it is or if it has spread else where.
I am praying he is alright.
Going to sturgis on the 1st coming back on the 9th.
going to portland for zine symposium on the 22nd coming back on the 25th.
have you seen my brain anywhere?
I feel completely brain dead.
I think it is allergies.
I just got back from spending two nights at my parents house. It was nice in a very relaxing sort of a way.
I was going to post in regards to the art journal I have been keeping. but honestly I don't have any memory of any art I have done in the last week. although I know i have done art. woah. where am I????
man...oh ....man. I need to fix myself some how.
Today I went to the slumgulion space and hung out and talked about zine stuff.
I am teaching a class on monday and I really need to get ready for it.
I'll do that now.
In other news
the one who lived in ballard and lived off of whiskey, camel straights and toast, passed away today. She was 92, and lived a full life. but I am still sad. three grandparents in a year.... I only have one left now. It just seems so intense....
Saturday (21st) -- worked on zine pages while socializing
Sunday -- brainstormed with Laurie about ideas for things to write about in my zine. Did writing practice with her out in the woods
Monday -- organized art space
Tuesday -- did the base painting on a bunch of pieces of wood
Wednesday -- moved stuff (furniture) for slumgullion
Thursday -- nothing
Friday -- folded and stapled some zines
Saturday -- nothing
Sunday -- worked on zine
I might throughout the week update with the last few days happenings. because sometimes I can't remember back even a few days ago.
Also in this last week I started writing about some of the best times in my life. Dan Solomon challenged me to write on this topic, and I got quite far on the subject and then, well, i didn't save and my computer got unplugged. So this is a topic that I hope i will write about this week and post here.
I decided that I should post once a week in here as sort of a Art Journal. So that I can keep track of everything that i have done related to art in the week.
so a break down of days.
Saturday, Sunday - nothing
Monday - printed latest zine, met with courtney and stocked more books and art at Haus Frau, went to new Slumgullion space and agreed to teach multiple zine classes in July.
Tuesday - Had an art date with Terah where I started my big painting for my September Art show at Ceretana. I also did a whole bunch of drawings of little alien guys that I am going to make into greeting card covers.
Wednesday - finished stuffing Slumgullion 4 zines. Drew a drawing of a little retard.
Thursday - took photos of mom's new puppy. Taught Cameron how to layout a zine.
Friday - bought an amazing art piece I claimed on first friday. Finished Cameron's private zine lesson. Unsuccessfully tried to help debby get a photocopier out of a truck.
Saturday (today) - brought the bookmobile downtown during market and unsuccessfully tried to sell my art and zines. Wrote this. Hopefully I will do more before the end of the day.
it snowed last night.
weather is weird.
I slept like 12 hours last night and now i have no motivation.
I dont feel very much like myself anymore. But really i guess i don't even know what that is, so what am I talking about.
It has been cold and rainy here in montana and I have been having lots of muscle pain. i am purely exhausted - in my muscles and in my soul. I decided this morning as I was walking home from terah's, where I passed out last night before it even got dark, that I need to just spend this next week being completely anti social. I think that i just won't drink until next weekend, and i also will not do anything with anyone. I will not make phone calls and I will not visit with people. I will live only for myself until next saturday when I go to Sydney's birthday party.
I need this to regroup. Of course now that I think about it, really I have been pretty anti social lately as it is. but whatever! let us not analyze!
well chat with you all later.
I'd like to start writing in here again. even if it is just to describe the weather.
or just to report back on what art I have been doing lately.
mostly because it is so very nice to have a record of what is going on in my life.
So that said we shall see what happens.
Now onward into my day where i need to make my latest zine and make my house look a little bit better on the inside.